heartbroken ?

i don`t know what to do. i don't want to ever be this sad anymore. i can't handle it on top of my parents splitting - friends hating me - job being boring - life being confusing & guys being jerks / getting hurt. i just want to be alone, maybe not forever - maybe not for long. i just can't deal with this stress anymore. i'm trying so hard, hard enough to make you happy. but i can't do it anymore. i can't do anything i`m always sad now and i can't help it. you always say you'll change but i don't see any progress if anything it`s worse. i`m hurt enough already.

WANT WANT WANT

TO BUILD A BEAR @ BUILD-A-BEAR, new nice camera, new camera just for fun (not too expensive), new friends, to move out and get away from stinky delta, move to the states because it's so darn cheap. tan like theres no tomorrow, not have to work and boring old save-on, be more friendly and out going. get a gorgeous grad dress that no one else will have but still looks good, put up my new mirror in my room without breaking it or the wall, to get a small 4" plant without killing it and re-plant it next year or something, to hangout with curtis <3, to get more blog followers, to be a super star actually wait i just want the money so i can shop (= OH AND BUBBLE TEAAAAAAAA

NOTES ON THE STATES

- Erica is an angry driver when she has no car gas, wait nevermind she's always angry.
- "pop" always follows with an angry word in erica's world
- don't say you'll buy something for someone if you actually can't find it
- lose the temptation of buying $3 icecream containers, they melt in this heat
- happiness is in buying mirrors, and trying on dresses in ross (=
- don't over pack clothing, you might need to wear some - so you don't get charged
- BECAUSE we are Canadian WE GET NO TAX on certain stores *cough ross *
- but lastly going to the states with your sister and best friend, is worth every second.

I FOUND ANOTHER LOVE.

the sunshine has just made it into my love list. & it's pretty hard to get there (= WELL NOW I`M OFF TO TAN WITH MY BEST FRIEND ASHLIEGH ! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE i like tanning as well but i don't love it.

THANKS FOR THE FOLLOW CURTIS COULTHARD

The rest of your life is a long time, and whether you know it or not it's being shaped right now. You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices or you can fight back. Things are always not going to be fair in the real world. That's just the way it is but for the most part you get what you give. Let me ask you a question - what's worse: not getting everything you wish for or getting it, and finding out it's not enough. The rest of your life is being shaped right now with the dreams you chase, the choices you make, & the person you decide to be. The rest of your life is a long time and the rest of your life starts right now. the choices we make can define the rest of our days. 

JUST NOTICED.

i hate it when people aren`t on time. i`m one of those people that either is early or on time. a few of my friends / people i know are really laid back ...and i hate it. and i also hate when people can`t make up their mind / make decisions. holy macaroni . sometimes i wish i could just smack the decisions into them.

PHOTOGRAPHY

a few months ago i broke my really awesome camera , which lasted me around 2 years. i need a new one and i have no idea which one to buy so i'm looking around. i'm not sure if i want a really nice one that'll be used occasionally, or just an easy cheaper one that works well but can be taken around to events that are more rowdy. but the main point is that i wanna take really nice pictures and make it a hobbie, to keep me busy (=

FRUSTRATED MONICA.

the stress and angry that is building up in me is making me maaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. and not the mad as in a mad cow - but as a mad mad woman.
- you came to hangout with jayden, not me SO LEAVE ME ALONE.
- you need to start eating and make some GOD DAMN DECISIONS.
- sunday the 11th = the day we find out
- work is so boring lately : i swear i need a new job that`s more exciting.
- i'm starting to gain weight, and people are noticing. (stretch marks)
- my fish is anorexic , and suicidal
- my parents are almost for sure splitting , but it`s not really the fact they are - its that they want me to choose sides.
- stop inviting yourself over. it`s annoying.
- my style is boring, or as my sister says "LG" and i need to get a new style
- my hair is greasy almost all the time and my face is breaking out because i`m stressed
- i need to get a good tan or i`ll be all gross and white all year
- almost all my close friends don't like me , for no real reason..that i know of..?
i don`t know there's probably a lot more it`s just overwhelming.

MUSIC SELECTION

hold on - lazee feat neverstore
ghost - fefe dobson
one night in bankok - global deejays
waka waka - shakira
maniac - girlicious
somebody to love - justin bieber
i like it - enrique iglesias + pitbull
one life stand - ian longo (ian carey remix)
escape me - tiësto feat. cc sheffield

wooowwwwwwwwwwwuuuuuuuuh.

i just figured out you could put pictures up = faiiiil (=
these ladies are my friends, the ones that still kinda like me
one on the left is andrea , the one in the middle is moi and the right - bffl ashliegh (=

RANDOM THOUGHTS

- i've just decided that music helps me through everything. recently i've been trying to stay away from sad or slow music to keep me happy
- i've decided i don't have very good friends, and that if they want to be MY friend they can put in the effort - why should i have to ?
- i think spanish online is going to be awesome, or scary not sure yet
- can't wait till i go to curtis' house for a sleepover, hopefully i'm allowed - i hope his family likes mini roses
- is sick of people judging me because of my age - STUPID work.
- wedding shows on slice and tlc are my fave.
- i love old people, i should get a job in an elderly home